The Golden Compass (2007) – 2/10 fantasy action 360 game review

Cast / crew

Golden Compass, The (2007)

Pintsize tearaway Lyra Belacqua and her daemon Pan travel the world to find her friend Roger even though she doesn’t know he’s been kidnapped yet. To do this, she goes to live with a stuck-up rich lady whom she doesn’t like. At this rate, she’ll eventually start flirting with a polar bear.

2/10

This is the kind of game that could put you off gaming for life. For that matter, it could put you off life for life. The game starts with action (including an hilarious polar bear blocking animation, the first of many) and, while bland, this isn’t too awful. Once that prologue level is done, we get to stiltedly explore offensively ugly environments while having our ears assaulted by criminally half-hearted voice work. The game doesn’t save at all checkpoints and so I had to repeat half an hour of mindless uselessness because the game crashed (the first of three times) during a fight against a monkey. Achievements are not easy to come by either so it doesn’t even work as a gamerscore purchase (I ended with 660). Jerky, standard-def movie clips with duff sound are just another aspect of a consistently miserable experience.

This game contains extreme fantasy animal violence, extreme fantasy violence.

Classified PG by BBFC. Parental Guidance.

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