Smallville 7.13 Hero (2007, TV) – 1/10

Smallville 7.13 Hero (2007)

Clark’s former best friend, Pete Ross, eats some Krpyonite tainted gum (no way he could know, it only glows bright flourescent green) and instantly gains the ability to stretch. After saving Kara, he decides he likes this hero business and goes public with the Daily Planet.

1/10

Sam Jones III’s Pete Ross returns with a half-witted pre-title sequence that stretches credulity (hehe). The writers of Smallville clearly hated Pete Ross when he was a regular and they don’t appear to like him anymore now. There is an interesting principle behind this episode (people want to know that heroes exist; something Clark himself would do later as Superman) but it’s just handled so thoughtlessly and routinely that it is a genuine mystery how some of the show’s producers are still employed. I know someone else smarter than me said this but if everybody’s special, nobody’s special and Smallville keeps falling into that trap. Inexplicable behaviour on the part of Clark regarding Kara’s bracelet especially as he had earlier stated in the episode that finding it might bring back her powers and memory.

This Smallville episode contains strong violence.

Bionic Woman 1.01 Bionic Woman (2007, TV) – 1/10

Bionic Woman 1.01 Bionic Woman (2007)

Jamie Sommers gets badly injured in a car crash but, luckily, her boyfriend is secretly a super-genius working for a top-secret organisation and is able to replace her amputated body parts with bionic mega-versions.

1/10

Weakly scripted pilot show that fails to deliver a hero the audience are interested in or want to see. It’s not just Michelle Ryan as the bionic woman, though. Every character is awful and, while it starts badly, it just gets worse and worse, offensively so, as it goes on (including, astonishingly, a first bionic woman who claims to have replaced her own body parts and a fight scene where getting a broken arm doesn’t matter in the slightest). Half-hearted production values also hurt but it’s the utter lack of interesting plot or characterisation that renders this pilot worthwhile only as an example of how not to do it.

This Bionic Woman episode contains mild swear words and an offensively weak and insulting script and gory and very unpleasant scenes, graphic violence and extreme violence and sex scene.

Classified 15 by BBFC. Suitable only for persons of 15 years and over.