SEGA Superstars Tennis (2008, Tennis and Mini-Games, 360) – 2/10 game review

Cast / crew

SEGA Superstars Tennis (2008)

2/10

I simply do not understand why producers of tennis games insist on making their controls complicated. In this game, you have to press a combo sequence of buttons to perform a lob or drop shot; the latter being a consistently critical shot in the mini-games. Yet there are two face buttons that aren’t used. Why have an impossible to reliably reproduce combo (which the game usually misinterprets or ignores for no good reason as well) when there are perfectly good face buttons going to waste? Baffling. Outside of this, Sega Superstars Tennis looks great, sounds bright and the mini-games are a good mix of the featured Superstars franchise and tennis but, critically, they are almost immediately absolutely no fun whatsoever because this game is very quickly incredibly difficult. It’s not a surprise that this game is completely worthless (£0.01 on Amazon).

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Jumper: Griffin’s Story (2008, Third-Person Action Movie Game, 360) – 2/10 review

Jamie Bell: Voice of Griffin

Jumper Jumper: Griffin’s Story (2008)

Griffin is a Jumper – capable to instantly teleporting himself to any other location he can think of – but his bid for vengeance for the death of his parents means he has to go up against the only people who have the technology to stop him: the Paladins.

2/10

Joyless, ugly and staggeringly short (one of the Achievements Is complete the game in less than forty-five minutes!) movie spin-off. Part of the reason is that the game consistently ignores your input making it unnecessarily difficult to, for example, run or roll away from enemies. Or hit them. Or turn around. Potential for some nice platform-hopping puzzles is never realised either despite the gameplay mechanics being present. It’s odd as the game designers have clearly thought about the concept of the spatial warrior and come up with an agreeably imaginative control scheme. They’ve also accurately translated Jamie Bell’s ‘two-broken-legs’ style of running. Critically, though, they never get around the fact that our ‘hero’ never needs to fight a single soul: his ability means he can escape any fight when not tethered and can defeat any foe by dropping them in a volcano.

This Jumper game contains extended strong violence, some very unpleasant scenes.

Classified 12+ by PEGI. The game is only suitable for persons who have reached the age of 12 or over.

The Golden Compass (2007) – 2/10 fantasy action 360 game review

Cast / crew

Golden Compass, The (2007)

Pintsize tearaway Lyra Belacqua and her daemon Pan travel the world to find her friend Roger even though she doesn’t know he’s been kidnapped yet. To do this, she goes to live with a stuck-up rich lady whom she doesn’t like. At this rate, she’ll eventually start flirting with a polar bear.

2/10

This is the kind of game that could put you off gaming for life. For that matter, it could put you off life for life. The game starts with action (including an hilarious polar bear blocking animation, the first of many) and, while bland, this isn’t too awful. Once that prologue level is done, we get to stiltedly explore offensively ugly environments while having our ears assaulted by criminally half-hearted voice work. The game doesn’t save at all checkpoints and so I had to repeat half an hour of mindless uselessness because the game crashed (the first of three times) during a fight against a monkey. Achievements are not easy to come by either so it doesn’t even work as a gamerscore purchase (I ended with 660). Jerky, standard-def movie clips with duff sound are just another aspect of a consistently miserable experience.

This game contains extreme fantasy animal violence, extreme fantasy violence.

Classified PG by BBFC. Parental Guidance.

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