Jason Bourne (2016) – 5/10 action thriller movie review

Jason Bourne (2016)

Bourne has been living off-the-grid but Nicky Parsons learns of another ethically dubious black op training program and contacts Bourne. What she doesn’t know is that Bourne has been replaced with an indestructible cyborg replica.

5/10

Morose and completely unconvincing action thriller that sees an indestructible Jason Bourne do impossible things for next to no reason while Tommy Lee Jones scowls from behind a Tommy Lee Jones scrotum mask that has been left out in the sun for a hundred years. If they had revealed that his head had been a walnut all along, it would have been more believable than the drek the filmmakers want us to go along with here. Now, a lot of the action is alright, undoubtedly ambitious (a bike chase through a riot is incredibly impressive logistically) and some of it is genuinely thrilling but it’s not enough to distract from the uninvolving characters and story. I think this franchise would have been better off leaving the trilogy and Treadstone arc alone and continued as an A-Team, Knight Rider or Incredible Hulk thing where Bourne swans into a town or someone’s life with a problem and helps eliminate it before moving on. Instead, this is the Crystal Skulls of the Bourne franchise that we’ll probably try and just overlook.

Content Summary

This movie contains extreme violence, gory and unpleasant scenes

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Cast / crew

Director, Producer and Writer: Paul Greengrass
Editor, Executive Producer and Writer: Christopher Rouse
Characters Creator: Robert Ludlum
Jason Bourne / David Webb: Matt Damon
Actor and Producer: Matt Damon
Tommy Lee Jones: CIA Director Robert Dewey
Alicia Vikander: Heather Lee
Vincent Cassel: Asset
Julia Stiles: Nicky Parsons
Riz Ahmed: Aaron Kalloor
Producer: Frank Marshall
Producer: Gregory Goodman
Producer: Ben Smith
Producer: Jeffrey M. Weiner

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) – 5/10 superhero action movie review

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

When the Superman / Zod battle causes his Metropolis tower to collapse, Bruce Wayne knows that, even though Superman is clearly benevolent, Batman needs to kill him because Superman might go bad one day. Meanwhile, the US Government give Lex Luthor the keys to the crashed Kryptonian spaceship in return for him crafting a silver bullet to keep Superman in check but then they don’t let him import the kryptonite to make the bullet but continue to let him play on the spaceship even though that was payment for something they won’t let him do.

5/10

We should seriously consider the possibility that Zack Snyder is incapable of telling a story via the medium of film which, for a film director, might be expected to be a problem. Instead of conversations, he has people speaking words in close proximity to other people and occasionally changes the background if you squint and look over people’s shoulders. Ben Affleck’s Batman is striking, if dumb. Henry Cavill is fine as Superman and gets a couple of useful super-moments when the Batmobile bounces off him and when he catches a giant bullet. This movie had potential and Snyder does allocate enough time to story and character and motivation but doesn’t make any of it stick. Why does Batman want to kill Superman? Why does Lex Luthor want Superman dead? I suspect Snyder has shot enough footage to make a really good movie but he hasn’t guided it successfully through the editing process. And, to be honest, I don’t think he can. The Ultimate Edition is just similarly dumb for an imperceptible extra half-hour.

Content Summary

This movie contains bad language, extreme violence, non-sexual nudity

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Cast / crew


Director: Zack Snyder
Superman / Clark Kent / Kal-El: Henry Cavill
Batman / Bruce Wayne: Ben Affleck
Wonder Woman / Diane Prince: Gal Gadot

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) – 5/10 adventure romance movie review

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Cast / crew
Producer: Samuel Goldwyn, Jr.
Producer: John Goldwyn
Actor and Producer Greenland Air Passenger: Stuart Cornfeld
Kristen Wiig: Cheryl Melhoff
Shirley MacLaine: Edna Mitty
Adam Scott: Ted Hendricks
Kathryn Hahn: Odessa Mitty
Patton Oswalt: Todd Maher
Adrian Martinez: Hernando
Ólafur Darri Ólafsson: Helicopter Pilot
Sean Penn: Sean O’Connell
Actor, Director and Producer: Ben Stiller
Walter Mitty: Ben Stiller
Screen Story and Screenplay Writer: Steven Conrad
Short Story Writer: James Thurber

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

Walter Mitty is prone to zoning out and imagining a more exciting life for himself and his romantic crush, coworker Cheryl Melhoff. When he needs to find a lost photo negative for the cover of Life magazine, instead of looking in the most obvious place, he embarks on a crazy real-life adventure.

5/10

It feels mean to give a virtually non-violent, positive, good-natured movie an average score but it never really engages the viewer beyond the most perfunctory level. Mitty’s flights of fantasy are somewhat bewildering and the real adventure has no impact; it looks less impressive than it should given the scenarios and locations and feels flat. Additionally, the plot and most of the events feel very unconvincing; whether this is by design or not (i.e., if the majority of the movie is a flight of fantasy) isn’t really the point as it is still important to suspend the audience’s disbelief. The best flight of fantasy, and probably strongest moment, is one where Kristen Wiig appears and sings a song and Ben Stiller gets on a real helicopter; no special effects, no explosions, no frenetic action editing.

This movie contains bad language, strong violence

Classified PG by BBFC. Parental Guidance.

Thor: The Dark World (2013) – 5/10 Marvel superhero action movie review

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Cast / crew
Director: Alan Taylor
Screenplay Writer: Christopher L. Yost
Screenplay Writer: Christopher Markus
Screenplay Writer: Stephen McFeely
Story Writer: Don Payne
Story Writer: Robert Rodat
Producer: Kevin Feige
Comic Book Writer, Executive Producer, and Himself: Stan Lee
Thor: Chris Hemsworth
Natalie Portman: Jane Foster
Loki: Tom Hiddleston
Stellan Skarsgård: Eric Selvig
Heimdall: Idris Elba
Christopher Eccleston: Malekith
Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje: Algrim/Kurse
Kat Dennings: Darcy Lewis
Ray Stevenson: Volstagg
Zachary Levi: Fandral
Tadanobu Asano: Hogun
Sif: Jaimie Alexander
Rene Russo:
Odin: Anthony Hopkins
In Memory of: Don Payne
Writer (Original Comic Book): Larry Lieber
Writer (Original Comic Book): Jack Kirby
Character Creator Malekith: Walt Simonson

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Thor’s been busy restoring peace throughout the universe but his heart still belongs to Dr. Jane Foster. She is currently applying her massive intellect to touching clearly alien artefacts that are clearly really, well, toxic at best. So, of course, she gets possessed by the Aether, this nasty black smoke that will be used by Malekith, a dark elf, to end the universe. Which makes no sense.

5/10

Adequate superhero sequel which is at it’s best when it’s trying to be fun (best moment of the film is SPOILER Thor hanging his hammer on a coat hook) and somewhat ineffective when it’s trying to be romantic, awesome or important. Or tell a coherent story with well-defined characters. Therefore, big sacrifices mean nothing, you’re not invested in shaky alliances and the baddie exists just to get super-punched for the last ten minutes so that the film can be over. There’s no peril, no build-up, no shape to the movie or any individual sequence. However, Chris Hemsworth remains charismatic and awesome as Thor and Tom Hiddleston is terrific.

This movie contains extreme fantasy violence, bad language, sensuality, nudity

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Links

Mars Needs Moms (2011) – 5/10 unsettlingly animated science-fiction action adventure movie review

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Cast / crew
Director and Screenplay Writer: Simon Wells
Screenplay Writer: Wendy Wells
Writer (Original Book): Berkeley Breathed
Producer: Robert Zemeckis
Producer: Jack Rapke
Producer: Steve Starkey
Producer: Steven Boyd
Seth Green: Milo
Dan Fogler: Gribble
Elisabeth Harnois: Ki
Mindy Sterling: Supervisor
Kevin Cahoon: Wingnut
Joan Cusack: Mom
Seth Dusky: Milo’s Voice

Mars Needs Moms (2011)

Milo’s Mom is kidnapped by Martians. Fortunately, he wound on board their spaceship but when he gets to Mars, help comes from an unexpected source.

5/10

Image Mover Digital’s performance capture technology is again wasted (by themselves) under ugly and unnerving design choices, a cripplingly unconvincing story with the promise of interspecies sex aka bestiality, – what is this, a DreamWorks animation? – an unearned emotional climax, problems solved by violent revolution, an ‘I didn’t learn anything’ sting, and spectacular racism (the idiot men Martians look like every cliché of South American, Native American and African and everyone who doesn’t speak English is a bad guy or treated like an idiot). While there are a number of poor design decisions, the most glaring was making Milo, a child, look and move like Seth Green, an adult. It’s wrong on a subconscious level that coupled with the ugly and off-putting almost but not-at-all photo-realistic human character design puts you right off proceedings from the start. Fortunately, it looks like this movie signaled the death of ImageMovers’ unsettling creative disasters.

This movie contains freaky adult face on a child, violence, distressing scene

Classified PG by BBFC. Parental Guidance.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – 5/10 superhero action fantasy movie review

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Cast / crew
Actor, Director and Writer Maskless Sakaaran: James Gunn
Peter Quill / Starlord: Chris Pratt
Gamora: Zoë Saldana
Drax The Destroyer: Dave Bautista
Groot: Vin Diesel
Rocket Raccoon: Bradley Cooper
Ronan The Accuser: Lee Pace
Michael Rooker: Yondu Udonta
Karen Gillan: Nebula
Djimon Hounsou: Korath
John C. Reilly: Corpsman Dey
Glenn Close: Nova Prime
The Collector: Benicio Del Toro
Producer: Kevin Feige
Writer: Nicole Perlman
Comic Book Writer: Dan Abnett
Comic Book Writer: Andy Lanning
Character Creator Rocket Raccoon: Bill Mantlo
Character Creator Rocket Raccoon: Keith Giffen
Character Creator Drax the Destroyer, Gamora and Thanos: Jim Starlin
Character Creator Star-Lord: Steve Englehart
Character Creator Star-Lord: Steve Gan

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Peter Quill, better known to himself as Starlord, has stolen an ancient orb but it quickly transpires that he isn’t the only one after it. Anyway, long story short, he ends up in prison but as he warily teams up Gamora, Drax, Groot and Rocket to escape, each discover that this orb has greater universal importance that they thought and that their begrudging friendship may be the only thing more powerful.

5/10

Guardians of the Galaxy enthusiastic contemporary reception is notably inflated. Thanks to poor action editing and ostentatiously dull villains (Ronan’s a Snoozer), the movie is largely forgettable. The extreme violence should also dampen how much fun you find things; one scene played for a mechanical laugh has the explicit sound effects of several enemies having all their bones broken repeatedly. That said, it is fun at times and there are chuckles to be had. The real surprise is the attempt at character development: each of the Guardians behaves differently at the end than they do at the beginning. For some, the change occurs because they were hiding their true nature at the start; for others, the enforced or enticed team-up leads to camaraderie. It’s sketchy and shallow but it’s unmissably there and highly welcome. I also like the colour, interior and design of Starlord’s spaceship, Chris Pratt is good and Zoe Saldana is clearly working her way up to being allowed to play a white person.

This movie contains bad language, adult dialogue, extended extreme violence, extreme fantasy violence

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Godzilla: Final Wars aka Gojira: Fainaru uôzu (2004) – 5/10 monster action movie review

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Cast / crew
Producer: Shogo Tomiyama
Screenplay Writer: Wataru Mimura
Screenplay Writer: Isao Kiriyama
Special Effects: Eiichi Asada
Masahiro Matsuoka: Earth Defense Force Soldier Shin’ichi Ôzaki
Rei Kikukawa: UN Molecular Biologist Miyuki Otonashi
Don Frye: Douglas Gordon
Maki Mizuno: Newscaster Anna Otonashi
Kazuki Kitamura: The Controller of Planet X
Kosugi Kane Takeshi: M-Facility Soldier Katsunori Kazama
Shigeru Izumiya: Samon Taguchi
Masatoh Eve: Xilian General
Akira Takarada: UN Secretary General Naotarô Daigo
Director: Ryuhei Kitamura

Godzilla: Final Wars aka Gojira: Fainaru uôzu (2004)

After sealing Godzilla in the South Pole, the Earth Defence Force presumes that the planet is safe from monsters at last. Suddenly, all across the planet in cities with recognisable landmarks, monsters start appearing and wreaking havoc and salvation will come from a completely unexpected source but may have a heavy price.

5/10

The Godzilla action is actually rather good fun, but there’s a hour of not-a-lot to get there and weak humanoid villain X to bafflingly deal with once we do. Still, if you’re here for the monster mashing, you certainly get your money’s worth as Godzilla breathes his way through a planetful of monsters in an entertaining and spectacular manner. Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla, now just plain Zilla, is repurposed as a villain monster and gets disparagingly dispatched with a real-Godzilla tail flip and a dismissive one-liner. Weirdly, half of the movie is in English. Special mention for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it detail where midget monster Minilla is wearing a seatbelt in the truck which, after recovering from my 28 g-force double-take, I think is enough to stick another star on.

This movie contains graphic, gory violence, fantasy monster violence, extreme humanoid violence