Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) – 2/10 action movie review

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

A Texas inventor buys a fully busted truck that was inside a derelict cinema and pulls a missile out of it that allows it to turn back into Optimus Prime but an inter-galactic bounty hunter, Lockdown, is working with the CIA to capture Optimus Prime and so the glistening, muscular inventor / robotics engineer / elite hacker and his good-looking daughter / really, really good-looking daughter / rally co-driver go on the run with Prime and end up saving the world. And there will be robot dinosaurs. The end.

2/10

This is an atrocious film on almost every level except visual effects and Mark Wahlberg. It would be a challenge to find more than a few subsequent lines that are coherent let alone compelling characters, involving storylines or comprehensible action sequences. Somehow, Wahlberg rises above all that and remains a quality, likable presence despite what the movie bafflingly puts him through. I don’t know what kind of secret sauce ILM keep back for Michael Bay but however Bay photographs his plates and however ILM’s artists up their game for him results in some utterly remarkable visuals: convincing, photo-realistic and extremely good-looking. Between them they produce the best visual effects explosions in the business; you cannot tell which explosions are real and which are not. Now, it would be accurate to state that the movie didn’t need to be good in order to fulfil it’s purpose – make money – but there was also no need for it to be this derisory.

Content Summary

This movie contains a single sexual swear word, bad language, strong violence, sensuality

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Cast / crew

Director and Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Mark Wahlberg: Cade Yeager
Stanley Tucci: Joshua Joyce
Kelsey Grammer: Harold Attinger
Nicola Peltz: Tessa Yeager
Jack Reynor: Shane Dyson
Sophia Myles: Darcy Tirrel
Li Bing Bing: Su Yueming
Titus Welliver: James Savoy
T.J. Miller: Lucas Flannery
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Frank Welker: Galvatron
John Goodman: Hound
Ken Watanabe: Drift
Robert Foxworth: Ratchet
John DiMaggio: Crosshairs
Mark Ryan: Lockdown
Reno Wilson: Brains

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) – 6/10 science-fiction action adventure movie review

Cast / crew
Director: Michael Bay
Writer Based on Hasbro’s Transformers Action Figures: Ehren Kruger
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Executive Producer: Steven Spielberg
Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky
Josh Duhamel: Lennox
John Turturro: Simmons
Tyrese Gibson: Epps
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Carly
Patrick Dempsey: Dylan
Kevin Dunn: Ron Witwicky
Julie White: Judy Witwicky
Ken Jeong: Jerry Wang
John Malkovich: Bruce Brazos
Frances McDormand: Mearing
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving: Megatron
Leonard Nimoy: Sentinel Prime

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Sam is struggling to find a place back in the real world but a secret that has been kept since the late 1960’s is about to erupt into his life and involve him in the fate of the world once more. Though no-one has anyway of knowing for certain, he suspects that some stuff might get blown up.

6/10

Restoring the fun to the franchise before going all serious for the Chicago-levelling third act but never achieving the greatness that the fantastically cool pre-credits sequence, awesome Buzz Aldrin cameo and Leonard Nimoy’s Sentinel Prime promise, Dark of the Moon is a Michael Bay movie that has several good moments. Unfortunately, it does devolve into a series of beautiful visuals featuring too many robots you frequently can’t differentiate around which the bullet-, missile-, concrete-, gravity- and crash-landing-proof Shia LaBeouf is hurled and thrown and dropped. If he ever wanted to destroy the world, there would be no way to stop him.

This movie contains the obligatory sexual swear words to ensure the certificate and graphic and extreme violence by robots on humans, graphic and extreme robot violence and ‘hilarious’ homosexual misunderstandings, sensuality.

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009, Movie) – 4/10 review

Cast / crew
Director: Michael Bay
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Writer: Roberto Orci
Writer: Alex Kurtzman
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Executive Producer: Steven Spielberg
Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky
Megan Fox: Mikaela Bane
Josh Duhamel: Major Lennox
Tyrese Gibson: USAF Master Sergeant Epps
Kevin Dunn: Ron Witwicky
Julie White: Judy Witwicky
John Turturro: Simmons
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving: Megatron
Tony Todd: Fallen

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Since the incident in Los Angeles, Optimus Prime and the Autobots have been protecting Earth from the Decepticons while Sam prepares to go to college. A shard of the Allspark, however, is discovered and Sam’s life is about to turn upside-down again.

4/10

If the first was a glorious mess, then this boring, fun-free sequel is just a mess. This is very much an idea-free zone with no clear plot, no clear character arcs and endless, meaningless, interchangeable action with apparently random robots that makes absolutely no sense. I think it takes supremely arrogant writers to write such random garbage because, if it were me, I simply could not stand the inconsistencies (in the franchise and within just this movie) and presence of baffling stereotypes spouting cut-and-paste dialogue from a collection of bad movie scripts. People need to stop employing Orci and Kurtzman and stop now. Michael Bay and his actors all put a lot of effort in but, aside from the fact that it frequently looks fabulous, it’s all wasted.

This movie contains partial sexual swear words, mild swear words, adult dialogue and comic substance abuse and extreme mecha violence, extremely unpleasant scene and sexuality.

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

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The Rock (1996) – 8/10 movie review

Sean Connery: John Patrick Mason
Nicolas Cage: Stanley Goodspeed
Ed Harris: General Francis X. Hummel
Michael Biehn: Commander Anderson
William Forsythe: Ernest Paxton
David Morse: Major Tom Baxter
John Spencer: F.B.I. Director Womack
John C. McGinley: Marine Captain Hendrix
Writer (Story): David Weisberg
Writer (Story): Douglas S. Cook
Writer (Screenplay): David Weisberg
Writer (Screenplay): Douglas S. Cook
Writer (Screenplay): Mark Rosner
Producer: Don Simpson
Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer
Director: Michael Bay

Rock, The (1996)

Highly decorated but embittered U.S. General Francis X. Hummel holds America to ransom from Alcatraz, aka the Rock, and the only two men who stand in his way are FBI agent Stanley Goodspeed and a longtime political prisoner held without trial, ex-SAS operative John Patrick Mason: the only man ever to break out of Alcatraz.

8/10

Alarmingly silly but very exciting, insanely good-looking and hugely enjoyable big budget action movie from Bad Boys director Michael Bay. While it is spectacular and action-packed, it’s the humour and chemistry between Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery’s characters that is the magic ingredient. With this movie Michael Bay became the next Tony Scott, capable of providing silly, spectacular and very entertaining action thrillers with a healthy dollop of style. With his next movie, Armageddon, Michael Bay would cement his own reputation and ensure that future directors of stylish action would be called the next Michael Bay.

This movie contains sexual swear words and graphic violence, unpleasant scenes, gory and unpleasant scenes and sex scene (no nudity, nicolas cage & vanessa marcil).

Classified 15 by BBFC. Suitable only for persons of 15 years and over.

Continue reading “The Rock (1996) – 8/10 movie review”

Transformers (2007, Science Fiction Fantasy Action Adventure) – 7/10 movie review

Cast / crew
Director: Michael Bay
Writer (Screenplay): Roberto Orci
Writer (Screenplay): Alex Kurtzman
Writer (Story): John Rogers
Writer (Story): Roberto Orci
Writer (Story): Alex Kurtzman
Executive Producer: Steven Spielberg
Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky
Tyrese: USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
Josh Duhamel: Captain Lennox
Anthony Anderson: Glen Whitmann
Megan Fox: Mikaela Banes
Rachael Taylor: Maggie Madsen
John Turturro: Agent Simmons
Jon Voight: Defense Secretary John Keller
Peter Cullen: Voice of Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving: Voice of Megatron

Transformers (2007)

Sam Witwicky is eagerly looking forward to buying his first car, partly because car equals babes, and he has his eye on hilariously hot mega-babe Mikaela Banes. However, events of universal significance will overtake him as he proves to be a critical pawn in an intergalactic struggle over a object of immense power. A struggle perpetrated by GIANT TRANSFORMING ROBOTS.

7/10

Spectacular and fun giant mecha action movie which suffers quite badly from largely indistinguishable robot designs (only Optimus Prime and Bumblebee escape this problem) and frequent script mechanics that the filmmakers hope you won’t notice but does deliver a star-making performance from Shia LeBeouf wrapped up in a ridiculously good-looking package. A glorious mess, then.

This movie contains partial sexual swear words, mild swear words, adult dialogue and extreme mecha violence, extreme bloodless violence.

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

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