Story of the Week and People More Talented Than Me: Sara Watson’s Invisible Skoda

Sara Watson photographed in front of an 'invisible' Skoda

Look closely at the picture above. There’s a Skoda parked there and art student Sara Watson has meticulously painted it so that, from this angle, it matches the surroundings and appears transparent. Very cool.

The original story appeared on telegraph.co.uk and news.bbc.oc.uk.

Story of the Week: The ‘misunderestimated’ President’

Story of the week is an article from the BBC news team collating some of President George W. Bush’s vocal faux pas: The ‘misunderestimated’ President. It’s almost as funny as a page of Murray Walker’s legendary slips-of-the-tongue except Murray Walker wasn’t Commander-in-Chief of the world’s most technologically-advanced killing machine.

Story of the Week: Stupid criminal leaves his address at robbery

Robbery suspect leaves his address at robbery (news.bbc.co.uk). While I’d like to say ‘only in America,’ the truth is, of course, that stupid criminals exist everywhere. Though I don’t want to be a criminal, a teensy, teensy part of me hopes that if I ever did, I’d at least try to take over the world from a dormant volcano.

Story of the Week: World Record Ostrich Sandwich Attempt

Long story short

Iranians attempt to make the world’s longest sandwich filled with ostrich meat. The BBC reported on this with a nice video and I have a capture below:

ostrich sandwich

Problem number one:

This is not a sandwich. It is a lot of sandwiches placed end-to-end. Surely, it’s not just me that noticed that.

Problem number two:

The Iranians eat the sandwich before it could be measured by the attending Guinness World Record officials.

Most Depressing Story of the Week: Manuel Uribe

The BBC reported about Manuel Uribe and how he has lost 29 stone from weighing 88 stone in a story entitled Heaviest man eyes slimming record.

Though the BBC article is talking about an event that Wikipedia records as happening last year (that source informs us that he has since lost another sixteen stone on another diet) and contains the horrendously untrue statement “supersized by nature” (and not a reported daily diet of two dozen eggs, sixteen tortillas and variable amounts of bread, pasta, ice cream and salad) that isn’t the depressing part.

This is:

It is a dream of his to walk.

It’s a dream shared by his new girlfriend, Claudia, who has helped to wash, feed and encourage him through this last year or so of dramatic weight loss.

Wait. What? Girlfriend!? Now Mr. Uribe has a nice smile, bright eyes and comes across as a gracious, endearing man in video interviews. I am genuinely pleased that he has a girlfriend. I am also genuinely depressed. Let’s just remind ourselves what we are talking about. Appropriately, you can click for a bigger version:

I couldn’t get the girl of my dreams to vomit on me or even report me to the police for sitting outside her house with thermo-vision goggles, let alone wash and feed me or consider a relationship with me.

So, congratulations to Mr. Uribe and his fiancée, Claudia Solis. I’m going to find a wardrobe.

Story of the Week: Bear (yes, a real bear) convicted for theft of honey

bear with hands up small *Checks date*

It’s not April 1st. bbc.co.uk is reporting that a bear in Bitola, Macedonia now has a criminal record after being found guilty of steeling honey from a beekeeper’s beehives. As the animal is a protected species, the state was ordered to pay for the damage to the hives.

I suspect the ASBO bear is now telling all his friends about the state-sponsored honey-fest…

Read the original story on bbc.co.uk. Buy the Honey Bear costume on buycostumes.com.

Story of the Week: Xbox 360 with free, er, ‘accommodation’ for gullible crims

Computer and Video Games reported on a story where the Xbox 360 was used to catch stupid criminals.

115 criminals responded to an invitation to pick up an Xbox 360 they had won but instead of HD gaming goodness they discovered that the Texas pick-up point was overrun with US Marshals. Probably giggling US Marshals.

Most of the criminals were wanted on drug or violent crime charges and, according to the story, they had been in “hiding”. While this did raise the question of ‘how do you contact someone in hiding?’ with the subsequent reasoning of ‘if you know how to contact someone in hiding, surely you can just go and arrest them,’ it’s clearly a whole lot less work to get the crims to come to you and be off guard. Nice one.

Slimm Says

Congratulations on a cunning plan well executed.

Story of the Week: How to get caught method #1 – Don’t leave the scene of the crime

Stories about stupid criminals are among my favourites though it does concern me that they all seem to be American.

Our stupid crim this week is definitely not American and was caught in Maglaj, Bosnia. How? He was burgling a house and, with his loot of two bracelets and an earring, decided to take a nap. When the owner came home, our horizontal housebreaker was zedding away until his arrest.

Remarkably, the police had to force him under interrogation to confess to breaking and entering. And snoozing.

During interrogation he confessed to breaking into the house. “He saw the couch and just sat down to rest for a while and fell asleep,” police said.

Source: local newspaper under the headline “Thief caught napping“. Not bad.

Story of the week: If in doubt, shoot. Yourself. In both legs. At the same time.

The ever-astonishing American mentality that guns empower you to do anything continues with this story from news.bbc.co.uk.

Man hurt using gun to change tyre

Oh, yes. This is the story of an American who fired a shotgun at the final stuck wheel-nut on his Lincoln Continental. The pellets ricocheted off and caused severe injuries to his entire body.

Slimm Says

I think he was lucky. Given that this was an American car, surely it should have exploded.

Story of the Week: Dog Shoots Man. Hmm.

Here is the answer to the question: what should you say when you’ve just shot yourself or you’ve just shot your hunting buddy?

Dog shoots Iowa man during hunt
from bbc.co.uk.

An explanation given by Alan Foster, a spokesman for the Iowa Department of Natural Resources is produced to back up James Harris’ claim that he was shot by his dog:

“I hear about it a couple times a year,” somewhere in the country, he said.

“They’ll step on the trigger assembly and, if the gun for whatever reason wasn’t on safety, it doesn’t take a whole lot to trip a trigger.”

While I guess this explanation is just about feasible, I suspect the dog may be a scapegoat. In a manner of speaking.

In either case, James Harris is nursing a nasty injury but the story is a good ‘un and is my story of the week.

Story of the week: The Burglar Not Burdened with Brains

Stories about stupid people are great. Stories about stupid criminals simply bring joy to the world.

Our hero this week is Peter Addison who, brilliantly, wrote his full name on the wall of a children’s campsite building he broke into and vandalised.


Peter Addison was here!

Not just

Pete was ‘ere!

but his whole name. And just in case there was any confusion, he also left the name of his gang. Brilliant!

I read this story on the bbc.co.uk site and the picture is from there also. You can go there for the whole astonishing story.

For bringing joy to the world by being a stupid burglar, Peter Addison is my story of the week.

Story of the week: Girl overdoses on espresso coffee

Here’s the story as reported on bbc.co.uk this week:

Girl overdoses on espresso coffee

It tells the story of a girl who suffered some really unpleasant side effects from drinking too much caffeine in the form of double espresso’s.

“Jasmine Willis, 17, developed a fever and began hyperventilating after drinking seven double espressos while working at her family’s sandwich shop.”

Her explanation?

“thought the coffees were single measures”

Why story of the week? Ignoring the fact that seven drinks of anything is probably overdoing it a bit, allow me to draw your attention to the phrase in the opening paragraph:

“while working at her family’s sandwich shop”

Would it be correct to infer that Ms Willis served herself the seven espresso coffees? And that she didn’t realise she was serving herself double espresso’s?

A cursory glance at the story makes you think that anyone who drinks seven espresso’s and is then surprised that the little fellows pack such a punch must be a bit, well, dim. A second look makes you wonder just how stupid you have to be to serve yourself incorrectly seven times. This girl shouldn’t even be allowed to dress herself let alone operate machinery with scalding hot liquid coming out of it.

Slimm Says

This is one of those stories where you wonder why the people involved allowed it to be reported. Presumably, the lure of fifteen column inches of fame is greater than the shame from publishing on the world wide web that you are a dolt.

Story of the Week: Wheelchair man gets highway ride

*Checks date* It’s not April 1st so here goes.

Behind this seemingly innocuous headline on bbc.co.uk lurks what is undoubtedly the story of the week.

Wheelchair man gets highway ride

A lorry driver brilliantly manages to accidentally hook into the handles of a man’s wheelchair and then drives down the Red Arrow Highway outside Paw Paw, Michigan, USA at 50 mph.

I’m not 100% convinced that this event was entirely accidental but either way, it’s definitely the story of the week.

Though the one about the guy with green blood did push it close.

P.S.

Coincidentally, I recently made this post about a custom car painting job I did in Forza featuring a wheelchair going so fast it had flames coming off the wheels. Spooky.

Well… I clicked it.

I wonder what the most sensationalistic headline possible would be? Here is a contender from the BBC News on BBC.co.uk:

Man cuts off penis in restaurant

The only way this headline could be improved is if you replace “man” with “George Bush” or “The Queen” or something. However, the actual story is rather less impressive than the headline. I had visions of a man coolly laying out his man-meat on a table and removing it with a knife in a Yakuza-like ritual or show of bravado.

Instead:

The man then picked up a kitchen knife and slashed himself across the wrist and groin areas before running back into the restaurant, where he continued to stab himself.

It’s clearly a very sad story and very distressing for witnesses and the man himself and the headline is entirely inappropriate… but a guaranteed click.