Smallville Season Finale 8.22 Doomsday (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Alaina Huffman: Dinah "Black Canary" Lance
Kyle Gallner: Bart "Impulse" Allen
Ari Cohen: Regan
Ryan Kennedy: Rokk
Executive Producer: James Marshall
Writer: Kelly Souders
Writer: Brian Peterson
Director: James Marshall

Smallville 8.22 Doomsday (2009)

Wanting to prove that the events of the previous months weren’t the stupidest, rubbishest things that could possibly happen, plans are made to ensure that every fan of Smallville everywhere will want to kill themselves.

1/10

This is an entirely remarkable episode. The writers have just thrown all the scripts for this series into the air and randomly pulled pages from the resulting pile. Continuity and character, sadly, weren’t salvaged. Smallville has been betrayed and horribly mutilated by those entrusted with its care and this episode is just horrific, it’s professionally incompetent. If it was a car, inserting the key into the ignition would castrate you and then mock you for trying to start it in the first place. And for having no bits. John Matta, Chief Operating Officer of The CW Television Network, also announced his intention to run for the title of the world’s stupidest person by allowing a ninth series. Though, to be fair, it’ll probably be revealed he’s actually working as a double-agent for a rival television network. “The name’s Matta, J…, er, I’ve forgotten my first name.”

This Smallville episode contains mild swear words and extreme fantasy violence, strong graphic violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.21 Injustice (2009, TV) – 2/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Jessica Parker Kennedy: Plastique
Alessandro Juliani: Dr. Emil Hamilton
Brendan Fletcher: Parasite
Producer: Al Septien
Producer: Turi Meyer
Writer: Al Septien
Writer: Turi Meyer
Director: Tom Welling

Smallville 8.21 Injustice (2009)

Clark hears Chloe crying out for help on the run from Davis Bloome. After he rescues her, he reveals he has come up with a plan to save Earth.

2/10

Even though Justin Hartley gets his abs out and there is no Aaron Ashmore or Sam Witwer, this is bor-or-ing. The scripting is also terrible. No-one seems to have any clue what any other character is saying and so just speak random non-sensical lines to each other. Clark is suffering particularly badly from this as he is being terribly inconsistent. He goes to all this trouble just to fill up forty minutes of screen time, er, I mean, separate Davis Bloome from Doomsday but won’t take two seconds to put across his point of view or explain why he’s being a tool to Oliver Queen. Or Chloe. Or Tess. Or the audience.

This Smallville episode contains adult dialogue and extremely gory and unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Writer: Genevieve Sparling
Director: Michael Rohl

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009)

The writers stab you in the eyes and ears for forty minutes while every actor looks like they’re trying to lie back, close their eyes and think of the money without vomiting or suffering a psychotic break. Aaron Ashmore isn’t succeeding.

1/10

It is becoming difficult to find words to describe the deep-seated hatred, the bitter resentment, the utter lack of respect and the despairing drudgery the writers of Smallville have for their audience. Somewhere along the line Aaron Ashmore and Allison Mack must have keyed all of the producers’ cars or left a coffee ring or a perfectly-formed poo on their executive table or something because their characters continue to be on the receiving end of bafflingly awful storylines. If they both move into porn after Smallville, it will be a step up.

This Smallville episode contains extreme violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes and sexuality.

Links

Smallville 8.17 Hex (2009, TV) – 5/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Serinda Swan: Zatanna
Writer: Bryan Q. Miller
Director: Mairzee Almas

Smallville 8.17 Hex (2009)

Feeling miserable at her own birthday party thanks to her recent break-up with Jimmy, Lois and Oliver having to leave prematurely and Clark not even showing up, Chloe makes a birthday wish at the behest of mega-babe magician Zatanna. However, she is staggered when her desire to swap for the journalistic life of Lois comes true.

5/10

Given that this is another of Smallville‘s possession storylines, it’s absolutely not as bad as feared. I was expecting the last straw but, thanks to a reliance on character and a, frankly, smoking hot magician’s outfit for Serinda Swan (and her Zatanna not being a baddie), it is entertaining enough. As usual for this season, it never makes the most of the setup and never involves you emotionally. The regular cast outside of Erica Durance feel like they’re just reading their lines. This lack of heartfelt performance is a shame as some of the script this week is better than for a while. There’s no Jimmy, no Doomsday, no Davis Bloome, no Tess Mercer and no violence. The story is fine and, as a bonus, the mechanism for undoing the wishes and restoring Smaillville‘s status quo is, unusually, refreshingly simple and entirely acceptable (when you don’t wish it anymore, it isn’t so).

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Smallville 8.15 Infamous (2009, TV) – 5/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Tori Spelling: Linda Lake
Writer: Caroline Dries
Director: Glen Winter

Smallville 8.15 Infamous (2009)

Former gossip-columnist Linda Lake (who can turn into water) returns and threatens to expose Clark by sending his story to the papers unless he, well, er, I dunno, I was freaked by Tori Spelling’s disturbing mouth and man-chin. Anyway, he decides that perhaps it’s time to introduce himself to the world on his own terms and gets Lois to write his story.

5/10

We’ve been down this road before in Reckoning (season five episode twelve) when Clark told Lana his secret and, as a result, SPOILER she gets killed, Clark uses a use-once Kryptonian crystal to turn back time, doesn’t tell her and this time Jonathan Kent dies. However, we’ve got rather less good-will for Smallville now and despite the surprisingly welcome return of Erica Durance (now the only decent cast member and looking lovelier than ever) and the thrill of seeing her find out Clark’s secret, the insistence on US TV of having everything turn out bad all the time and then undone before next week’s episode means that the episode quickly becomes wearisome. The episode does highlight some potentially interesting subjects including the privacy of a celebrity, mud-sticking journalism and a struggle against internal evil but polishing it all off in forty minutes and a lack of ambition or imagination means that none of it really resonates.

Links

Smallville 8.14 Requiem (2009, TV) – 3/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Kristin Kreuk: Lana
Chris Gauthier: Winslow Scott
Writer: Holly Henderson
Writer: Don Whitehead
Director: Michael Rohl

Smallville 8.14 Requiem (2009)

Oliver Queen reveals a previously unsuspected bomb-proof-ness when he is the only survivor of a blast at a LuthorCorp board meeting where he was announcing his hostile takeover. He knows who the bomber probably is but strongly suspects that Lex is behind the attack and uses the bomber to lead him to Lex so that he can kill him. Meanwhile, Clark and Lana enjoy some super-sex (dang, another bed broken) but Lex has plans for them also.

3/10

Chloe shocks us to our very core by knocking on Clark’s door before walking in immediately anyway. It’s not like Clark and Lana were in the middle of super-sex. Oh. Anyway, the reason for last week’s eye-bulging Super Lana storyline is partially justified this week with a meaty moral dilemma. However, so broken is the chemistry between Kristin Kreuk and Tom Welling and so mechanical their performances (you can actually see him thinking about which eyebrow to move) that we simply couldn’t care less about the moral dilemma and subsequent drama for these two characters. The Michael Rosenbaum look-alike and sound-alike (two different actors) are very close but I can’t remember why Lex is in the state he is. Aside from the writers having to remove Lex from all active plot duty.

Links

Smallville 8.12 Bulletproof (2009, TV) – 7/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Kristin Kreuk: Lana
Phil Morris: John Jones
David Paetkau: Danny Turpin
Byron Lawson: Terrence
Jim Thorburn: Joe Simmons
Ty Olsson: Talbert
Writer: Bryan Q. Miller
Director: Morgan Beggs

Smallville 8.12 Bulletproof (2009)

John Jones gets himself shot by a sniper and, suspecting an inside job and with Chloe’s help, Clark goes undercover as a policeman. Meanwhile, Lana is about to open Tess’s eyes regarding Lex Luthor and his true nature.

7/10

This is a good episode with an impressively impossible (but entertaining) revelation for Cassidy Freeman’s Tess Mercer and an interesting and worthwhile attempt, by Tom Welling’s Clark Kent, to rescue people through moral readjustment rather than hurling people through doors and windows. Kristin Kreuk gets in some practice for her upcoming Chun-Li Streetfighter movie by having a fight scene with Cassidy Freeman and they do the hurling people through doors and windows thing this week. The writers hope you’ve forgotten about the birth of Doomsday last week but I, for one, am not looking forward to his return. The writers also probably hope that you don’t notice that the reason for Jones’ shooting is that he works on his own which seems a bit slim as a motive for rmurder. I mean, if he’d spilt their milk or written ‘Danny is gay’ on the toilet wall or something, well, then I’d understand but ‘that guy spends too much time working alone’ ‘yeah, he deserves to die’? Hmmm.

This Smallville episode contains extreme melee violence.

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