Smallville Season Finale 8.22 Doomsday (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Alaina Huffman: Dinah "Black Canary" Lance
Kyle Gallner: Bart "Impulse" Allen
Ari Cohen: Regan
Ryan Kennedy: Rokk
Executive Producer: James Marshall
Writer: Kelly Souders
Writer: Brian Peterson
Director: James Marshall

Smallville 8.22 Doomsday (2009)

Wanting to prove that the events of the previous months weren’t the stupidest, rubbishest things that could possibly happen, plans are made to ensure that every fan of Smallville everywhere will want to kill themselves.

1/10

This is an entirely remarkable episode. The writers have just thrown all the scripts for this series into the air and randomly pulled pages from the resulting pile. Continuity and character, sadly, weren’t salvaged. Smallville has been betrayed and horribly mutilated by those entrusted with its care and this episode is just horrific, it’s professionally incompetent. If it was a car, inserting the key into the ignition would castrate you and then mock you for trying to start it in the first place. And for having no bits. John Matta, Chief Operating Officer of The CW Television Network, also announced his intention to run for the title of the world’s stupidest person by allowing a ninth series. Though, to be fair, it’ll probably be revealed he’s actually working as a double-agent for a rival television network. “The name’s Matta, J…, er, I’ve forgotten my first name.”

This Smallville episode contains mild swear words and extreme fantasy violence, strong graphic violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Writer: Genevieve Sparling
Director: Michael Rohl

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009)

The writers stab you in the eyes and ears for forty minutes while every actor looks like they’re trying to lie back, close their eyes and think of the money without vomiting or suffering a psychotic break. Aaron Ashmore isn’t succeeding.

1/10

It is becoming difficult to find words to describe the deep-seated hatred, the bitter resentment, the utter lack of respect and the despairing drudgery the writers of Smallville have for their audience. Somewhere along the line Aaron Ashmore and Allison Mack must have keyed all of the producers’ cars or left a coffee ring or a perfectly-formed poo on their executive table or something because their characters continue to be on the receiving end of bafflingly awful storylines. If they both move into porn after Smallville, it will be a step up.

This Smallville episode contains extreme violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes and sexuality.

Links

Smallville 8.18 Eternal (2009, TV) – 2/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Executive Producer: James Marshall
Writer: Brian Peterson
Writer: Kelly Souders
Director: James Marshall

Smallville 8.18 Eternal (2009)

Clark is a little put-out when Tess Mercer pooh-pooh’s his story about a previously unknown serial killer. He doesn’t know it is Davis Bloome but, thanks to a journal she nicked from the Lionel Luthor estate, Tess Mercer does and knows he’ll be impossible to kill. So she blows Davis up just to check. Fortunately, the police don’t care. Nor do the writers. Nor do we.

2/10

While the addition of Davis Bloome into the last seven series of Smallville ends up being better integrated than expected it still doesn’t mitigate the absolute insult to the audience. To be fair, it ends up making you wonder whether this was always intended to be the Smallville end-game. However, we simply don’t care. This week’s story is about the conflict inside Davis Bloome but we don’t care, partially because he has a face like a bag of walnuts. Every so often, the writers remember that Clark is on this ‘talk people around’ initiative but it’s so half-hearted and never amounts to anything except Clark going "No!", that we really don’t care. When Lois isn’t around, Smallville isn’t fun or interesting. The production team simply has no more to give. They need a break. We need a break. Stop Smallville, please.

Links

Smallville 8.16 Turbulence (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Writer: Turi Meyer
Writer: Al Septien
Director: Kevin G. Fair

Smallville 8.16 Turbulence (2009)

Jimmy Olsen gets an episode and sees Davis Bloome murder someone. Not a Smallville writer, unfortunately.

1/10

It is clear that nobody on Smallville – the cast, the writers (Clark gets Tess drunk!), the director (this is very slackly paced, not a usual problem on the show) – can be bothered with the show anymore. Those of us who are sticking with it are only doing so out of a sense of misguided loyalty and that we really want to see, after all the misery and violence and stupidity we’ve been subjected to (seasons 4,5, 7 and 8), some kind of happy, or at least hopeful, climax to let Clark Kent go off into the sunset and future super-deeds. However, writers without ideas cannot think positively and American shows are required by law to be ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’. So, there won’t be a happy ending and while the ‘creative’ forces tread water Smallville will continue to embarrass everyone involved with it.

This Smallville episode contains bad language and substance abuse (prescribed medication and alcohol) and strong, gory violence, unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.15 Infamous (2009, TV) – 5/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Tori Spelling: Linda Lake
Writer: Caroline Dries
Director: Glen Winter

Smallville 8.15 Infamous (2009)

Former gossip-columnist Linda Lake (who can turn into water) returns and threatens to expose Clark by sending his story to the papers unless he, well, er, I dunno, I was freaked by Tori Spelling’s disturbing mouth and man-chin. Anyway, he decides that perhaps it’s time to introduce himself to the world on his own terms and gets Lois to write his story.

5/10

We’ve been down this road before in Reckoning (season five episode twelve) when Clark told Lana his secret and, as a result, SPOILER she gets killed, Clark uses a use-once Kryptonian crystal to turn back time, doesn’t tell her and this time Jonathan Kent dies. However, we’ve got rather less good-will for Smallville now and despite the surprisingly welcome return of Erica Durance (now the only decent cast member and looking lovelier than ever) and the thrill of seeing her find out Clark’s secret, the insistence on US TV of having everything turn out bad all the time and then undone before next week’s episode means that the episode quickly becomes wearisome. The episode does highlight some potentially interesting subjects including the privacy of a celebrity, mud-sticking journalism and a struggle against internal evil but polishing it all off in forty minutes and a lack of ambition or imagination means that none of it really resonates.

Links

Smallville 8.11 Legion (2009, TV) – 5/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator): Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Kristin Kreuk: Lana
Ryan Kennedy: Rokk
Alexz Johnson: Imra
Calum Worthy: Garth
Writer: Geoff Johns
Director: Glen Winter

Smallville 8.11 Legion (2009)

With Chloe consumed by Brainiac and now incubating Davis into Doomsday permanently, Clark is distracted from his initial by a huge dude materialising in the barn and nearly chopping him in half with an axe.

5/10

This an episode packed with new characters (this episode only) and interesting elements but doesn’t quite come together. It’s heart is definitely in the right place, though, and that makes it worthwhile. Unfortunately, Tom Welling isn’t very good here. He appears half-hearted, is laden with clunky dialogue and looks like he’ll be glad when it’s over. It’s a shame as he’s been so good for so long and his lacklustre performances this season may override the memory of his earlier good work. The episode brings up the thoughts of Cal-el’s principles and the reality of meeting a legend you only knew through history books and both are interesting but their potential is not realised.

This Smallville episode contains extreme and graphic fantasy violence, gory and unpleasant.

Links

Smallville 8.10 Bride (2008, TV) – 5/10

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator): Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Kristin Kreuk: Lana
Writer: Al Septien
Writer: Turi Meyer
Director: Jeannot Szwarc

Smallville 8.10 Bride (2008)

It’s Chloe and Jimmy’s big day but it’s violently and rudely interrupted by… a large man in a monster suit. Or the terrifying murderlising Davis Bloome’s alter-ego, if you insist.

5/10

What is it about the Lois / Clark dynamic that has worked so well across the written, the drawn, television and movies? I don’t know but it’s working its magic again and Erica Durance continues her good run of form by making doe eyes at Clark. Elsewhere Smallville delivers a typically unconvincing plot even boasting wifi tech that works without electricity, a depressing Special Guest Star slot for Kristin Kreuk (bizarrely, she has absolutely no chemistry with Tom Welling anymore and her character has no charm) and, most disappointing, a really obvious man-in-a-suit for the horror climax. Nevertheless, praise must be delivered for Smallville not delivering images of people being ripped into pieces or scooping various internal organs back in or any other of the possible super-graphic super-violence the show delivered over the last few seasons.

This Smallville episode contains inferred extreme violence, unpleasant and extremely gory scenes.

Links