Smallville Season Finale 8.22 Doomsday (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Alaina Huffman: Dinah "Black Canary" Lance
Kyle Gallner: Bart "Impulse" Allen
Ari Cohen: Regan
Ryan Kennedy: Rokk
Executive Producer: James Marshall
Writer: Kelly Souders
Writer: Brian Peterson
Director: James Marshall

Smallville 8.22 Doomsday (2009)

Wanting to prove that the events of the previous months weren’t the stupidest, rubbishest things that could possibly happen, plans are made to ensure that every fan of Smallville everywhere will want to kill themselves.

1/10

This is an entirely remarkable episode. The writers have just thrown all the scripts for this series into the air and randomly pulled pages from the resulting pile. Continuity and character, sadly, weren’t salvaged. Smallville has been betrayed and horribly mutilated by those entrusted with its care and this episode is just horrific, it’s professionally incompetent. If it was a car, inserting the key into the ignition would castrate you and then mock you for trying to start it in the first place. And for having no bits. John Matta, Chief Operating Officer of The CW Television Network, also announced his intention to run for the title of the world’s stupidest person by allowing a ninth series. Though, to be fair, it’ll probably be revealed he’s actually working as a double-agent for a rival television network. “The name’s Matta, J…, er, I’ve forgotten my first name.”

This Smallville episode contains mild swear words and extreme fantasy violence, strong graphic violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.21 Injustice (2009, TV) – 2/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Jessica Parker Kennedy: Plastique
Alessandro Juliani: Dr. Emil Hamilton
Brendan Fletcher: Parasite
Producer: Al Septien
Producer: Turi Meyer
Writer: Al Septien
Writer: Turi Meyer
Director: Tom Welling

Smallville 8.21 Injustice (2009)

Clark hears Chloe crying out for help on the run from Davis Bloome. After he rescues her, he reveals he has come up with a plan to save Earth.

2/10

Even though Justin Hartley gets his abs out and there is no Aaron Ashmore or Sam Witwer, this is bor-or-ing. The scripting is also terrible. No-one seems to have any clue what any other character is saying and so just speak random non-sensical lines to each other. Clark is suffering particularly badly from this as he is being terribly inconsistent. He goes to all this trouble just to fill up forty minutes of screen time, er, I mean, separate Davis Bloome from Doomsday but won’t take two seconds to put across his point of view or explain why he’s being a tool to Oliver Queen. Or Chloe. Or Tess. Or the audience.

This Smallville episode contains adult dialogue and extremely gory and unpleasant scenes.

Links

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Writer: Genevieve Sparling
Director: Michael Rohl

Smallville 8.20 Beast (2009)

The writers stab you in the eyes and ears for forty minutes while every actor looks like they’re trying to lie back, close their eyes and think of the money without vomiting or suffering a psychotic break. Aaron Ashmore isn’t succeeding.

1/10

It is becoming difficult to find words to describe the deep-seated hatred, the bitter resentment, the utter lack of respect and the despairing drudgery the writers of Smallville have for their audience. Somewhere along the line Aaron Ashmore and Allison Mack must have keyed all of the producers’ cars or left a coffee ring or a perfectly-formed poo on their executive table or something because their characters continue to be on the receiving end of bafflingly awful storylines. If they both move into porn after Smallville, it will be a step up.

This Smallville episode contains extreme violence, gory and extremely unpleasant scenes and sexuality.

Links

Smallville 8.19 Stiletto (2009, TV) – 2/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Dominic Zamprogna: Bruno Manheim
Writer: Caroline Dries
Director: Kevin G. Fair

Smallville 8.19 Stiletto (2009)

After saving Chloe from a mugger, Lois spies a chance to get closer to a story with the Red-Blue Blur by, obviously, posing as new superhero vigilante Stiletto.

2/10

This has the cheesy feeling of the 1960’s Batman television show without, unfortunately, the sense of self-knowing glee that Adam West et al brought to that particular endeavour. The central idea of Lois going after a story in an unorthodox and dangerous manner was okay but, as usual for Smallville now, it was handled clumsily and lazily. The writers, director and actors are all on auto-pilot and even Erica Durance – the best thing about Smallville this season, surprisingly – has a permanent let’s-get-this-over-with look about her. There’s a bit of Lois-Clark magic at the end of the show but in almost every way Smallville is embarrassing to watch.

This Smallville episode contains strong melee violence, graphic gun violence.

Links

Smallville 8.18 Eternal (2009, TV) – 2/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Executive Producer: James Marshall
Writer: Brian Peterson
Writer: Kelly Souders
Director: James Marshall

Smallville 8.18 Eternal (2009)

Clark is a little put-out when Tess Mercer pooh-pooh’s his story about a previously unknown serial killer. He doesn’t know it is Davis Bloome but, thanks to a journal she nicked from the Lionel Luthor estate, Tess Mercer does and knows he’ll be impossible to kill. So she blows Davis up just to check. Fortunately, the police don’t care. Nor do the writers. Nor do we.

2/10

While the addition of Davis Bloome into the last seven series of Smallville ends up being better integrated than expected it still doesn’t mitigate the absolute insult to the audience. To be fair, it ends up making you wonder whether this was always intended to be the Smallville end-game. However, we simply don’t care. This week’s story is about the conflict inside Davis Bloome but we don’t care, partially because he has a face like a bag of walnuts. Every so often, the writers remember that Clark is on this ‘talk people around’ initiative but it’s so half-hearted and never amounts to anything except Clark going "No!", that we really don’t care. When Lois isn’t around, Smallville isn’t fun or interesting. The production team simply has no more to give. They need a break. We need a break. Stop Smallville, please.

Links

Smallville 8.17 Hex (2009, TV) – 5/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Erica Durance: Lois Lane
Justin Hartley: Oliver Queen
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Serinda Swan: Zatanna
Writer: Bryan Q. Miller
Director: Mairzee Almas

Smallville 8.17 Hex (2009)

Feeling miserable at her own birthday party thanks to her recent break-up with Jimmy, Lois and Oliver having to leave prematurely and Clark not even showing up, Chloe makes a birthday wish at the behest of mega-babe magician Zatanna. However, she is staggered when her desire to swap for the journalistic life of Lois comes true.

5/10

Given that this is another of Smallville‘s possession storylines, it’s absolutely not as bad as feared. I was expecting the last straw but, thanks to a reliance on character and a, frankly, smoking hot magician’s outfit for Serinda Swan (and her Zatanna not being a baddie), it is entertaining enough. As usual for this season, it never makes the most of the setup and never involves you emotionally. The regular cast outside of Erica Durance feel like they’re just reading their lines. This lack of heartfelt performance is a shame as some of the script this week is better than for a while. There’s no Jimmy, no Doomsday, no Davis Bloome, no Tess Mercer and no violence. The story is fine and, as a bonus, the mechanism for undoing the wishes and restoring Smaillville‘s status quo is, unusually, refreshingly simple and entirely acceptable (when you don’t wish it anymore, it isn’t so).

Links

Smallville 8.16 Turbulence (2009, TV) – 1/10 review

Tom Welling: Clark Kent
Allison Mack: Chloe Sullivan
Aaron Ashmore: Jimmy Olsen
Cassidy Freeman: Tess Mercer
Sam Witwer: Davis Bloome
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Jerry Siegel
Writer (Characters’ Creator) Superman: Joe Shuster
Developer for Television: Alfred Gough
Developer for Television: Miles Millar
Writer: Turi Meyer
Writer: Al Septien
Director: Kevin G. Fair

Smallville 8.16 Turbulence (2009)

Jimmy Olsen gets an episode and sees Davis Bloome murder someone. Not a Smallville writer, unfortunately.

1/10

It is clear that nobody on Smallville – the cast, the writers (Clark gets Tess drunk!), the director (this is very slackly paced, not a usual problem on the show) – can be bothered with the show anymore. Those of us who are sticking with it are only doing so out of a sense of misguided loyalty and that we really want to see, after all the misery and violence and stupidity we’ve been subjected to (seasons 4,5, 7 and 8), some kind of happy, or at least hopeful, climax to let Clark Kent go off into the sunset and future super-deeds. However, writers without ideas cannot think positively and American shows are required by law to be ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’. So, there won’t be a happy ending and while the ‘creative’ forces tread water Smallville will continue to embarrass everyone involved with it.

This Smallville episode contains bad language and substance abuse (prescribed medication and alcohol) and strong, gory violence, unpleasant scenes.

Links