Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) – 2/10 action movie review

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

A Texas inventor buys a fully busted truck that was inside a derelict cinema and pulls a missile out of it that allows it to turn back into Optimus Prime but an inter-galactic bounty hunter, Lockdown, is working with the CIA to capture Optimus Prime and so the glistening, muscular inventor / robotics engineer / elite hacker and his good-looking daughter / really, really good-looking daughter / rally co-driver go on the run with Prime and end up saving the world. And there will be robot dinosaurs. The end.

2/10

This is an atrocious film on almost every level except visual effects and Mark Wahlberg. It would be a challenge to find more than a few subsequent lines that are coherent let alone compelling characters, involving storylines or comprehensible action sequences. Somehow, Wahlberg rises above all that and remains a quality, likable presence despite what the movie bafflingly puts him through. I don’t know what kind of secret sauce ILM keep back for Michael Bay but however Bay photographs his plates and however ILM’s artists up their game for him results in some utterly remarkable visuals: convincing, photo-realistic and extremely good-looking. Between them they produce the best visual effects explosions in the business; you cannot tell which explosions are real and which are not. Now, it would be accurate to state that the movie didn’t need to be good in order to fulfil it’s purpose – make money – but there was also no need for it to be this derisory.

Content Summary

This movie contains a single sexual swear word, bad language, strong violence, sensuality

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Cast / crew

Director and Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Mark Wahlberg: Cade Yeager
Stanley Tucci: Joshua Joyce
Kelsey Grammer: Harold Attinger
Nicola Peltz: Tessa Yeager
Jack Reynor: Shane Dyson
Sophia Myles: Darcy Tirrel
Li Bing Bing: Su Yueming
Titus Welliver: James Savoy
T.J. Miller: Lucas Flannery
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Frank Welker: Galvatron
John Goodman: Hound
Ken Watanabe: Drift
Robert Foxworth: Ratchet
John DiMaggio: Crosshairs
Mark Ryan: Lockdown
Reno Wilson: Brains

X-Men (2000) – 7/10 superhero action movie review

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Cast / crew
Director and Story Writer: Bryan Singer
Screenplay Writer: David Hayter
Story Writer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Lauren Shuler-Donner
Producer: Ralph Winter
Executive Producer: Stan Lee
Charles Xavier: Patrick Stewart
Logan / Wolverine: Hugh Jackman
Eric Lensherr: Ian McKellen
Halle Berry: Storm
Famke Janssen: Jean Grey
James Marsden: Cyclops
Bruce Davison: Senator Kelly
Raven Darkholme / Mystique: Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Ray Park: Toad
Tyler Mane: Sabretooth
Anna Paquin: Rogue

X-Men (2000)

In the not-too-distant future, mankind is on the brink of a new stage of evolution. More and more children are revealing themselves as "mutants", genetically-altered people with superhuman powers. While the US government considers passing the Mutant Registration Act, two powerful mutants consider different ways of dealing with their species’ problem. Professor Charles Xavier believes in training them – including superteam the X-Men – but his old colleague, Magneto, believes that old humankind should be eliminated.

7/10

Bryan Singer’s movie is great when dealing with the characters and slightly under-achieving when it comes to special effects spectacle. The actors and the story are the strong point. The casting of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen was a master stroke and everyone got lucky getting Australian unknown Hugh Jackman in as Wolverine. Every scene with any of these chatting is brilliant; their charisma is engrossing and their story thought-provoking. Singer messes up some critical stuff, principally in the finalĂ©, as he doesn’t seem to have had any idea about how to make superheroes look heroic, let alone superheroic, or to make spectacle spectacular. Everywhere else, though, he does a great job. Of particular note is a superbly intense 1944 prologue and the scene in which absolutely everything comes together: the railway station stand-off. It features Stewart and McKellen in a psychological battle of wit and will, showcases some car-chucking spectacle (non-CG, tellingly) and fits perfectly with everything about the characters and story and universe. It’s an outstanding sequence and one you’ll want to remember instead of the weak finalĂ©.

This movie contains

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) – 6/10 science-fiction action adventure movie review

Cast / crew
Director: Michael Bay
Writer Based on Hasbro’s Transformers Action Figures: Ehren Kruger
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Executive Producer: Steven Spielberg
Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky
Josh Duhamel: Lennox
John Turturro: Simmons
Tyrese Gibson: Epps
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Carly
Patrick Dempsey: Dylan
Kevin Dunn: Ron Witwicky
Julie White: Judy Witwicky
Ken Jeong: Jerry Wang
John Malkovich: Bruce Brazos
Frances McDormand: Mearing
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving: Megatron
Leonard Nimoy: Sentinel Prime

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Sam is struggling to find a place back in the real world but a secret that has been kept since the late 1960’s is about to erupt into his life and involve him in the fate of the world once more. Though no-one has anyway of knowing for certain, he suspects that some stuff might get blown up.

6/10

Restoring the fun to the franchise before going all serious for the Chicago-levelling third act but never achieving the greatness that the fantastically cool pre-credits sequence, awesome Buzz Aldrin cameo and Leonard Nimoy’s Sentinel Prime promise, Dark of the Moon is a Michael Bay movie that has several good moments. Unfortunately, it does devolve into a series of beautiful visuals featuring too many robots you frequently can’t differentiate around which the bullet-, missile-, concrete-, gravity- and crash-landing-proof Shia LaBeouf is hurled and thrown and dropped. If he ever wanted to destroy the world, there would be no way to stop him.

This movie contains the obligatory sexual swear words to ensure the certificate and graphic and extreme violence by robots on humans, graphic and extreme robot violence and ‘hilarious’ homosexual misunderstandings, sensuality.

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009, Movie) – 4/10 review

Cast / crew
Director: Michael Bay
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Writer: Roberto Orci
Writer: Alex Kurtzman
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Producer: Tom DeSanto
Producer: Don Murphy
Producer: Ian Bryce
Executive Producer: Steven Spielberg
Executive Producer: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky
Megan Fox: Mikaela Bane
Josh Duhamel: Major Lennox
Tyrese Gibson: USAF Master Sergeant Epps
Kevin Dunn: Ron Witwicky
Julie White: Judy Witwicky
John Turturro: Simmons
Peter Cullen: Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving: Megatron
Tony Todd: Fallen

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Since the incident in Los Angeles, Optimus Prime and the Autobots have been protecting Earth from the Decepticons while Sam prepares to go to college. A shard of the Allspark, however, is discovered and Sam’s life is about to turn upside-down again.

4/10

If the first was a glorious mess, then this boring, fun-free sequel is just a mess. This is very much an idea-free zone with no clear plot, no clear character arcs and endless, meaningless, interchangeable action with apparently random robots that makes absolutely no sense. I think it takes supremely arrogant writers to write such random garbage because, if it were me, I simply could not stand the inconsistencies (in the franchise and within just this movie) and presence of baffling stereotypes spouting cut-and-paste dialogue from a collection of bad movie scripts. People need to stop employing Orci and Kurtzman and stop now. Michael Bay and his actors all put a lot of effort in but, aside from the fact that it frequently looks fabulous, it’s all wasted.

This movie contains partial sexual swear words, mild swear words, adult dialogue and comic substance abuse and extreme mecha violence, extremely unpleasant scene and sexuality.

Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

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