T.J. Hooker 1.06 The Witness (1982, Police Action Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 1.06 Witness, The (1982) Hooker and Romano respond to a murder committed during a robbery but a witness to the crime proves unresponsive. 6/10 Plenty of action, Shatner being a hero and endlessly leaping off stuff onto bad guys ("the nose knows, junior"), a bit of humour and the lovely Lisa Hartman in shorts: what more could one want? Special mention for the scene in the opening car chase where you can see the camera crew filming the action as Hooker and the pursuee enter the storm drain. If you missed it, don’t worry, the producers would use the same footage several times during the next five years. This T.J. Hooker episode contains gun violence, strong threat.
|
Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires (2006, Tactical Action, 360) – 7/10 game review
|
Cast / crew |
Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires (2006) 7/10 While featuring simple graphics with a terribly short draw-distance, Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires redeems itself with charm and surprisingly fun gameplay. Playing on Normal or higher requires tactical thought to be combined with the button-mashing combat and makes victories agreeably satisfying. A lack of any in-game instructions hides the mechanisms for equipping weapons, mounts (you can ride a horse or an elephant) and items but once discovered, it supplies a whole new dimension and confidence in the game. This game contains violence.
|
Avatar (2009, Science Fiction Action Adventure) – 8/10 movie review
|
Cast / crew |
Bad news: Jake Sully, your brother is dead. Good news: Jake Sully, a paraplegic ex-marine, you can take his place in a remarkable program on alien planet Pandora where your mind will be used to control a fully-functioning nine-foot-tall super-athletic alien body. Your mission is to gain the trust of the natives and convince them to move out of their home so that humans can mine the valuable material buried deep underneath. 8/10 This is an impressive action adventure that has a decidedly old-fashioned feel to it while presenting totally incredible technical feats completely invisibly but whose greatness emerges because it is more than the sum of its parts. It’s old-fashioned in that it sticks to tried-and-true, or predictable, story and character beats, isn’t ‘dark,’ isn’t excessively violent and has superb action sequences which have shape and definition and in which you can tell who’s doing what to whom, why and how well it’s going. The technical accomplishment is remarkable. Cameron presents a fictitious world created out of thin air that is completely convincing. You cannot believe it isn’t real; it does not exist outside of a New Zealand PC. Ultimately, however, Avatar is a great film because it is more than the sum of its parts, i.e., despite faults, it, like Titanic before it, works emotionally. This movie contains a single sexual swear word, mild swear words and gun violence, arrow violence and sexuality.
|
T.J. Hooker 3.03 Chinatown (1983, Police Action Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 3.03 Chinatown (1983) When Hooker gets involved in weapons smuggling in Chinatown it brings back memories from his first days as a beat officer. 6/10 Great fun with Shatner on top form as he finds out he may have a daughter. Richard Herd replacement Peter Brown (as Lt. Drummer) is dreadfully irritating but Adrian Zmed has a fun scene at Hooker’s motel room. Heather Locklear provokes unintentional laughter as she leaps into action scenes after they’re over and points her gun worthlessly though the blame lies with the producers. James Darren makes you wonder how he got the job as he has no charisma and no camaraderie with the other principle cast. James Shigeta is a decent baddie with his wondefully smooth voice and even has a bat-cave. This T.J. Hooker episode contains violence. Links |
T.J. Hooker 3.02 Carnal Express (1983, Police Action Drama) – 5/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 3.02 Carnal Express (1983) Hooker gets involved in a white slavery case but Stacey decides to go undercover as an exotic dancer to speed up the investigation. 5/10 While giving Heather Locklear more to do and less to wear may sound like the recipe for a great episode, she, like bland co-stars Adrian Zmed and James Darren, does not have the charisma or talent to carry the weight of the show. Richard Lynch is a quality bad guy at any time though and there’s still plenty of dirtbags for Hooker to chastise including a joyous epithet spat at Lynch. Also, Hooker on white slavery: "When they’re taken off my streets, like Bonnie, that’s different, and I’m damn well gonna put a stop to it." You know, if we ever cross T.J. Hooker and Valentino Rossi we should appoint him king of the world. This T.J. Hooker episode contains gun violence. Links |
House M.D. 6.09 Wilson (2009, Black Comedy Medical Drama) – 7/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
Wilson treats a friend (pooh-poohed by House) and former patient, Tucker, who suddenly develops paralysis of his arm. House bets it’s a return of cancer but Wilson insists it’s not. 7/10 Generally, all Wilson episodes are cool and this is no exception. The committed change of focus was refreshing as the episode was very much Wilson with House riding in and out on various patients. There was a moment where the balance of House’s personality looked to be tipped into selfish horrid (the series’ biggest danger) but it produces a welcome pay-off. This also raises an intriguing dilemma for a doctor when the power to help somebody will cost them personally, will or should they pay that price? This House M.D. episode contains unpleasant scenes. Links |
The Mentalist 2.09 A Price Above Rubies (2009, Light Crime Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
Mentalist, The 2.09 Price Above Rubies, A (2009) When a jewellery store robbery ends up with the manager shot and dying, Jane states that the victim must be the prime suspect because he used to be a tennis pro. 6/10 Hypnotism isn’t really a useful interrogation technique. If it was, there’d be no need for torture. Elsewhere, this is an entirely ordinary episode but that means it’s quite entertaining, inoffensive and highly watchable. Favourite line was Jane’s response to "he’s not my uncle": "Sorry, the man having sex with your aunt, then." This Mentalist, The episode contains mild adult dialogue and gun violence, unpleasant scenes. Links |
The Music Box (1932, Comedy Short) – 10/10 movie review
|
Cast / crew |
"Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy decided to re-organize and re-supervise their entire financial structure – So they took the $3.80 and went into business." Their transfer company gets the job to deliver a piano… to 1127 Walnut Avenue, a house at the top of an enormous flight of stairs. 10/10 At the end of the day, despite other illustrious highlights in their career, this is the one that Laurel and Hardy’ll be remembered for. This is Oscar-winning haplessness from cinema’s finest double act where the slapstick is frequently painfully hilarious but which also contains a couple of beautiful verbal gags (SPOILER particularly "He kicked you?" "Yes, Officer, right in the middle of my daily duties.") and one completely non-signposted gem of a gag (SPOILER Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy have finally, after a whole morning of struggle, got the piano to the top of the stairs when the postman wanders up. "You didn’t need to do that. You see that road there, you just follow it around up to the door." Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy feel extremely stupid – "Why didn’t we think of that?" – and so take the piano back down all the stairs in order to bring it up via the road!).
|
T.J. Hooker 2.06 Terror at the Academy (1982, Police Action Drama) – 5/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.06 Terror at the Academy (1982) A Vietnam veteran with a grudge against the police decides to target the Police Academy to both satisfy his thirst for revenge and his need for money. He has a better chance of succeeding than most because he is also a trainee policeman. 5/10 Gleefully naff but still fun. This is how you make cheesy Eighties cop shows. You mingle nutty Vietnam veteran vengeance with the quest for a frog costume, Shatner tells the maggot he’s disgracing the honour of all the non-nutty veterans and everyone goes home happy.
Links |
T.J. Hooker 3.01 The Return (1983, Police Action Drama) – 4/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 3.01 Return, The (1983) Five years after his detective partner was killed during an armed bank robbery, Hooker realises that the man responsible has returned (a one-handed man would you believe) and vows to get him while he can. 4/10 Mighty silly episode that takes itself way too seriously, though the chase sequences are helped no end by some energetic music. This T.J. Hooker episode contains gun violence. Links |
T.J. Hooker: 2.22 Lady in Blue (1983, Police Action Drama) – 4/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.22 Lady in Blue (1983) When Hooker’s gung-ho method of policing is imitated by a new female recruit, she is shot and badly injured (she loses a leg). Hooker blames himself and determines to get the maggots responsible. 4/10 Despite Shatner delivering a whole stack of "maggot" and "scum" speeches (a good thing), this is a horribly dated and rather unbalanced episode. Star Shatner can probably only blame himself: he directed this one. This T.J. Hooker episode contains violence.
Links |
Outlander (2008, Period Science Fiction Monster Action Movie) – 6/10 movie review
|
Cast / crew |
Norway, 709: Astronaut Kainan crashes onto Earth but amid the wreckage of his ship is a monster that sees the nearby Viking villages are breakfast, lunch and dinner. 6/10 Definition of a good man: confess to planet-wide genocide and bring an unstoppable monster to a village but feel a bit bad about it. This man will also make an ideal husband and king. Typically idiotic Hollywood writing aside, this is a better-than-expected period sci-fi monster movie with decent effects and action. It’s also one of the few movies featuring Vikings that isn’t unwatchable. This movie contains sexual swear words and strong violence, some graphic violence, unpleasant and gory scenes.
|
House M.D. 6.08 Ignorance is Bliss (2009, Black Comedy Medical Drama) – 8/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
House M.D. 6.08 Ignorance is Bliss (2009) Patient-of-the-week is a genius now living a happy life of deliveryman obscurity. Our own genius-in-residence decides that it is time for Cuddy and Lucas to break up. 8/10 There’s lots of quality, but fun, machinations this week as House tries to break up Lucas and Cuddy (though Taub and Chase have their moments as well) and, as a bonus, the medical mysteries are also clearly enough presented with the final solution being pretty cool while raising an interesting side issue as a genius medically makes himself more stupid so as to be content with a normal life with his wife. (It reminds me of the classic line from James Stewart in Harvey: " ‘In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.’ Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.") Oh, and we even get some clinic duty. This House M.D. episode contains mild unpleasant medical scenes. Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.21 Payday Pirates (1983, Police Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.21 Payday Pirates (1983) An armed robbery ends up with Fran getting hit on the head and suffering extensive damage to her optical nerve. As Fran struggles to keep her sight, Hooker struggles to reign in his rage as he relentlessly pursues the maggot responsible. Meanwhile, he assigns Stacy to in-the-field training with no-nonsense cop-with-a-past (of course, what other type of cop is there?) Jim Corrigan. 6/10 A guilty pleasure not to be taken too seriously and enjoyed with a silly grin on your face as Hooker deals with the maggots and scum that might render his wife blind. "If God’s gonna help somebody, it’s not likely to be you, friend." As usual for season two, there are is also a generous amount of good action with two car chases, a Hooker versus stock car showdown and Stacy executing a side-handle baton throw to take down a crook. New cast member James Darren tries to look annoyed with Heather Locklear but fails. This T.J. Hooker episode contains violence.
Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.20 The Hostages (1983, Police Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.20 Hostages, The (1983) After foiling an armed robbery, shooting and injuring one and arresting another with another two getting away, Hooker discovers that they are all members of the same family. Trying to locate the two missing robbers, it quickly becomes clear that they are going to try and break their injured father out of hospital… where Hooker’s ex-wife Fran works and Stacey has gone to visit a critically ill child (of course). 6/10 Classic Hooker action with Shatner demonstrating yet again that he is a true TV hero (and Adrian Zmed, though very pretty, is not). The casting is good as Jonathan Banks does what he does best (be a maggot) and Lance LeGault also does his thing (hard-headed arrogance). The writing isn’t too good with the requirement that Hooker always be right leaving the aforementioned Lance LeGault as his usual bad good guy but there are some nice action moments to make up for it (especially Hooker vaulting a hospital gurney). This T.J. Hooker episode contains adult dialogue and violence.
Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.19 Requiem for a Cop (1983, Police Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.19 Requiem for a Cop (1983) When a derelict building is targeted by an arsonist it doesn’t appear to be much more than mindless vandalism. But the presence of squatters and the subsequent murder of the private investigator looking into the arson (known to Hooker, of course, he was his first police partner!), indicates something more is behind them. 6/10 Yet another one of Hooker’s friends and ex-partners gets into hot water, then gets killed, while Shatner delivers a splendid "He was a COP" speech and "We have enough litter on the beach without scumballs like you" line. Hurrah! Also look out for an early appearance by future NYPD Blue / CSI Miami star David Caruso as a bomber. In the ‘Hooker’s-amazing-at-everything’ category, he also reveals an uncanny betting ability beating another of Romano’s wacky gadgets at predicting a horse race. This T.J. Hooker episode contains unpleasant scenes.
Links |
Xbox 360 vs PS3 Head-to-Head Face Off: Round 23
Every so often, Eurogamer run a series of technical comparison reviews for games released on both Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.
This is the latest update to the full list.
House M.D. 6.07 Teamwork (2009, Medical Black Comedy Drama) – 4/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
House M.D. 6.07 Teamwork (2009) Patient-of-the-week is a porn star who collapses on the job. House gets his medical licence back but loses most of his team when Chase and Cameron announce they are going to leave. 4/10 House’s games this week feel extremely unconvincing as the writers settle things down for the remainder of the season. The patient-of-the-week is also given short thrift as House, apparently, knows what’s wrong with him early on but withholds the true diagnosis and treatment to tempt Taub and Thirteen back into the fold. The problem comes in that House’s games feel cruel and misleading as opposed to cunning and revealing. Cameron’s exit from the show is extraordinarily unconvincing but I have commented before that I don’t think the writers like Jennifer Morrison as her character has frequently borne the brunt of major character inconsistencies and half-hearted writing. This House M.D. episode contains adult dialogue and unpleasant scenes and inferred sex scenes. Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.04 Blind Justice (1982, Crime Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.04 Blind Justice (1982) When a blind woman is present at an armed robbery but claims that she can tell Hooker nothing, his gut tells him that she knows more. Meanwhile, Romano’s trying to get tickets for the sold-out Beach Boys concert. 6/10 A cheerful, but perhaps guilty, pleasure. Special mention for Shatner talking about ‘listening to his gut’ and when you have a gut like Shatner was developing, you’ve got to listen to it! Elsewhere, there is some decent action (I always appreciate the fact that the car chases aren’t perfect), some good blind acting from then-Shatner’s-wife Marcy Lafferty and a sequence reminiscent of classic Audrey Hepburn thriller Wait Until Dark. As the cherry on top, Hooker’s past is also revealed to contain surfing buddyness with the Beach Boys. Is he the perfect man? This T.J. Hooker episode contains violence.
Links |
The Mentalist 2.08 His Red Right Hand (2009, Crime Drama) – 8/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
Mentalist, The 2.08 His Red Right Hand (2009) The case of a frozen doctor posed naked and garnished with yellow flowers in a cemetery is just the tip of the iceberg when Red John decides it’s time to reassert himself. 8/10 This is a great episode, even more so if you go in without spoilers, and worthy of acclaim as it tackles a crime drama tradition (SPOILER the mid-season clear-out) without feeling stereotypical and predictable. With the exception of one scene where Jane unplugs a patient’s morphine dispenser for no obvious reason, it is scripted sensitively and Simon Baker does well as our hero. Gregory Itzin also gets a good scene where he tears into a journalist for asking a stupid question. As this is a Red John episode, please note that it is more violent and darker in the tone than the regular episodes. This Mentalist, The episode contains mild swear words and strong knife violence, graphic gun violence, gory and unpleasant scenes and sexuality. Links |
Lie To Me 2.06 Lack of Candor (2009, Mystery Drama) – 5/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew
|
Lie To Me 2.06 Lack of Candor (2009) A witness in protective custody is murdered and Reynolds, being the undercover cop on the case, becomes next in line to testify. However, he refuses to testify and the reason is clearly not about the threat to his life. 5/10 There’s a lack of imagination and convincing coherent plot and character undermining what should be a much more affecting and insightful presentation of the moral quandaries of the undercover agent (and their handlers). Lightman is now, apparently, a law unto himself as he gains access to anyone and everyone and can wilfully ignore the direction and authority of the US District Attorney office. Links |
Lie To Me 2.05 Grievous Bodily Harm (2009, Mystery Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
Lie To Me 2.05 Grievous Bodily Harm (2009) Lightman is surprised to see old English friend Terry Jones after twenty-two years but isn’t surprised that he needs to borrow Lightman’s skills to help him out of a bit of trouble. The Lightman Institute investigates a video of death and mayhem sent to a school headmaster and see it as a threat of homocidal intent. 6/10 This makes the error of the main-character-dies-in-flash-forward pre-credits sequence. This is a technique that works precisely once for each viewer in his entertainment consuming life. As we simply don’t believe the hero dies, our suspension of disbelief is deliberately shattered by the makers. As the situation is so common in entertainment (an onscreen character dies), there is no intrigue or interest. Despite the poor start, however, the episode manages to continually claw back quality and interest. The Foster storyline features an unusual situation (SPOILER teacher orchestrates bullying of a fat girl who eventually sends a cryptic and misinterpreted suicide video) while the Lightman story benefits from good antagonistic chemistry between Roth and guest star Lennie James. This Lie To Me episode contains a sexual swear word, mild swear words, bad language, adult dialogue and unpleasant scenes. Links |
Lie to Me 2.04 Honey (2009, Mystery Drama) – 4/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
A week after Lightman left his Macbook on a Mexican bar top and it didn’t get stolen, Torres is somewhat less lucky when she leaves a Lightman Group dossier on a seat in her unlocked car and gets taken hostage by a gun-toting wife-murderer. 4/10 Despite committed and good quality acting from everyone, this episode cannot escape the weakness of the plot and strained dramatics of having someone come in to the Lightman offices waving a gun around. Links |
TMNT (2007, Third-Person Action Movie Game) – 4/10 review
|
|
The turtles tell Splinter about the time when they had to rediscover how important family and trusting in your brothers really is. 4/10 This isn’t a game that gets tired fast, it gets tired instantly. Each of the levels is needlessly long and drawn out with interminable and interchangeable platforming sections punctuated only by quickly wearisome wise-cracks, the surprisingly bizarre notion of having your progress narrated (each level is you relating a past event to someone else) and a bit of button-mashing baddie-bashing. Technically, it’s rather deficient with a variable frame-rate (despite the simplistic geometry) and a poor battle camera (that usually keeps a pile of enemies off-screen). There are worthwhile lessons (the family that kills together, stays together; er, or something like that) and it’s a good game for quick, big gamerscore but it doesn’t have any of the fun and love that the movie had. This TMNT game contains violence.
|
U-571 (2000, WWII Submarine Action) – 7/10 movie review
|
|
World War II: a critical turning point arrives when a German U-boat floundering in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean radios for help. The message is received by both German and US navies and the US embark on a daring mission to recover the code machine aboard the U-boat: the famed Enigma. Disguising themselves as a German rescue submarine, the crew of the S-33 sail toward U-571 in a race against time to capture the machine. All goes smoothly until the real German rescue U-boat arrives and blows the S-33 out of the water. The survivors must scramble aboard the crippled U-571 and fight for their lives to save the code machine and turn the tide of the war. 7/10 Thrilling, and entirely fictitious, World War Two action-adventure that hits all its entertainment targets. It doesn’t really mean anything and, despite being a film about submarines, there is no depth to the screenplay. Instead, a whole pile of WWII clichés have been trotted out and presented for the audience’s entertainment as they revisit old friends: the Executive Officer (Matthew McConaughey) passed over for a captaincy, the salty sea dog (Harvey Keitel), the doomed best friend (Jon Bon Jovi), the scum-of-the-earth Gerry (Thomas Kretschmann), the enemy inability to hit a barn door at two paces, the heroes ability to hit targets despite adverse circumstances, a token black man making token black man comments and I could probably dig up a few more. Nevertheless, Mostow ensures the film remains uncommonly focused and, critically, extremely thrilling. This movie contains mild swear words and graphic gun violence, war violence.
|
T.J. Hooker 2.18 Raw Deal (1983, Police Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
Cast / crew |
T.J. Hooker 2.18 Raw Deal (1983) Hooker gets involved in drug dealing on his patch as a poker house operator and wannabe drug lord blackmails gambling addicts who have run up unpayable debts into picking up and dropping off his supplies. 6/10 While only mustering an average score, this is consistently average and entertaining as opposed to a poor episode with highlights. The stunt-work is rather better than expected with a very good high fall and an agreeably ludicrous fight on a (flying) helicopter skid while Shatner spits out another of his marvelous anti-maggot speeches. The side-plot reveals Hooker’s amazing ability to accurately prophesy delivery times for pregnant women. This T.J. Hooker episode contains violence, unpleasant scene.
Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.17 Sweet Sixteen and Dead (1983, Police Drama) – 6/10 TV review
|
|
T.J. Hooker 2.17 Sweet Sixteen and Dead (1983) When a sixteen-year-old hooker is killed after witnessing a local hoodlum paying off a government representative, Hooker gets to learn of another witness: an ex-prostitute named Star. Trouble is, the hoodlum also knows her identity, the only thing neither of them know is her location. Who will reach her first? 6/10 As with most Shatner-directed outings, this is a lesser episode but it is rammed with Hooker quotes ("It was a man-made accident. And I want to nail that man.") culminating in calling the villain "chump." There’s also a decapitated teddy bear and a great comedy sub-plot about selling cookies for Hooker’s daughter Chrissie. This T.J. Hooker episode contains adult dialogue and substance abuse and extreme teddy bear violence.
Links |
T.J. Hooker 2.16 Vengeance is Mine (1983, Police Drama) – 9/10 TV review
|
|
T.J. Hooker 2.16 Vengeance is Mine (1983) A rapist attacks the daughter of one of Hooker’s ex-partners, Paul Maguire. Despite identifying the rapist as a local lawyer and Maguire’s status as a Lieutenant of Detectives, a conviction proves difficult to obtain and causes severe strain on Maguire, who decides to take matters into his own hands. Meanwhile, Hooker’s also having banking trouble. 9/10 It’s nice to see Shatner with old Star Trek sparring partner Leonard Nimoy who brings a touch of class to the proceedings and matches The Shat for intensity. The script is also better than most episodes though, fortunately, we still get Shatner spitting out delicious lines such as "This time, maggot, you stay inside." The episode does a terrific job of highlighting the difficulties in prosecuting such a personal crime in the Eighties (no DNA evidence then) and the impotence felt by those who feel responsible for letting it happen. There’s a good foot chase which ends with Hooker leaping about twenty feet from a first-floor parapet onto a suspect and it climaxes with a great scene between Shatner and Nimoy. Top Hooker. This T.J. Hooker episode contains adult dialogue and violence.
Links |


Classified 12 by BBFC. Suitable only for persons of 12 years and over.
Classified 12+ by PEGI. The game is only suitable for persons who have reached the age of 12 or over.
Classified Violence by PEGI. Game contains depictions of violence.
Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.
Classified PG by BBFC. Parental Guidance.
Classified U by BBFC. Universal: Suitable for All.
Classified 15 by BBFC. Suitable only for persons of 15 years and over. 



