Real Steel (2011) – 2/10 robot boxing movie review

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Cast / crew Director and Producer: Shawn Levy Hugh Jackman: Charlie Kenton Dakota Goyo: Max Kenton Evangeline Lilly: Bailey Tallet Anthony Mackie: Finn Kevin Durand: Ricky Hope Davis: Aunt Debra Producer: Don Murphy Producer: Susan Montford Short Story Writer: Richard Matheson Actor and Screenplay Writer Kingpin: John Gatins Story Writer: Dan Gilroy Story Writer: Jeremy Leven

Real Steel (2011) Incompetent scumbag robot fighter Charlie Kenton sells custody of his child to replace a smashed robot but is forced to take the boy with him for a couple of months so that the couple that bought him can have a nice holiday. Charlie immediately gets his new robot smashed to pieces and so sets about stealing enough parts to repair him all the while heroically lambasting the boy for even existing then leaving him to get arrested in a scrapyard. Against all the odds, things only become less convincing from here. 2/10 This Rocky with robots overlooked something extremely important: Rocky was an amiable, loving, recognisable human being. Rocky here is split into three characters: Hugh Jackman, a kid and a robot. The robot isn’t anything; he should have become iconic but his design is bland and half-hearted and everyone lazily pronounces his name as Adom instead of Atom. Hugh Jackman and the kid are unpleasant, gigantically unconvincing and incoherently portrayed. It sometimes feels like the kid has the adult’s lines, the tone is all over the place, scenes don’t logically follow each other. This is also the first movie I’ve seen where Hugh Jackman’s performance is bad, partially because his tone, intensity and attitude (like everyone elses) vacillate wildly through what are supposed to be subsequent scenes. The slo-mo teary-eyed climax is audacious in its unearned arrogance. There is, however, a cool scene worth watching in the movie and, fortunately, it’s right at the beginning as Hugh Jackman’s robot fights a bull. Once that’s done, you can go home. This movie contains extreme robot violence, strong human violence, sensuality Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

Robin Hood (2010, Medieval Action Adventure Drama) – 6/10 movie review

Cast / crew Director: Ridley Scott Writer (Screenplay): Brian Helgeland Writer (Story): Brian Helgeland Writer (Story): Ethan Reiff Writer (Story): Cyrus Voris Producer: Brian Grazer Producer: Ridley Scott Producer: Russell Crowe Russell Crowe: Robin Longstride Cate Blanchett: Marion Loxley William Hurt: William Marshal Mark Strong: Godfrey Mark Addy: Friar Tuck Oscar Isaac: Prince John Danny Huston: King Richard the Lionheart Kevin Durand: Little John Scott Grimes: Will Scarlet Matthew Macfadyen: Sheriff of Nottingham Eileen Atkins: Eleanor of Aquitaine Simon McBurney: Father Tancred Max von Sydow: Sir Walter Loxley

Robin Hood (2010) A lowly archer finds circumstances thrust him into a critical position in defending England from a French invasion… and the selfishness of its own king. 6/10 While it’s more interesting than expected, it’s not terribly convincing: A self-confessed “lowly archer” leads a cavalry charge in battle and issues tactics; he conveniently has a father he knew nothing about who had masterminded a new constitution guaranteeing liberty for citizens; the French army uses World War II landing barges (though anachronistic that was, at least, cool). But this is very nearly a Gladiator with mud. It has a similar intriguing mix of politics, action, military tactics and the inspiration of a courageous man who stands up to those misusing their authority and it’s Ridley Scott’s best film since Matchstick Men seven years ago. This movie contains adult dialogue and violence, inferred sexual violence, animated extreme and gory violence during closing credits (!) and sex scene, nudity. Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009, Superhero Action) – 4/10 movie review

Cast / crew Hugh Jackman: Logan / Wolverine Liev Schreiber: Victor Creed Danny Huston: Stryker Will.I.Am: John Wraith Lynn Collins: Kayla Silverfox Kevin Durand: Fred Dukes Dominic Monaghan: Bradley Taylor Kitsch: Remy LeBeau Daniel Henney: Agent Zero Ryan Reynolds: Wade Wilson Producer: Lauren Shuler-Donner Producer: Ralph Winter Producer: Hugh Jackman Producer: John Palermo Writer: David Benioff Writer: Skip Woods Director: Gavin Hood

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) James Logan and his brother Victor Creed both have bony mutations and a remarkable capacity for self-healing making them virtually indestructible and un-aging. While they fight side-by-side throughout history’s wars (no mention of what they did in-between), as the 20th-century comes to a close, Victor’s bloodlust starts to drive a wedge between them. 4/10 Despite being quite ridiculously violent, this is an impactless action movie whose greatest achievement is in resisting the temptation to put everything in the trailer. Hugh Jackman, as always, gives his all but it’s to no avail. Stories of revenge are incredibly hard to make watchable for an audience and this fails completely by making the objects of his revenge (his brother, a couldn’t-be-less intimidating Liev Schreiber, and his former boss, Danny Huston – absolutely no substitute for Brian Cox) so uninteresting, irritating and unconvincing that you would rather he just ignore them and the impetus for his revenge also falls flat; we don’t feel his pain. Story-wise, the credit sequence is the only interesting part as we see our indestructible brothers go through every major American war. Technically, the movie is all over the place. Some of the blade effects are bottom-shelf bad and a really impressive effect first seen in X-Men: The Last Stand is not successfully pulled off here and just looks cheap and creepy. This movie contains graphic and extreme, but bloodless, violence (largely between near indestructible mutant humans), extremely unpleasant scenes and non-sexual male nudity, interrupted attempted rape.   Classified 12A by BBFC. Persons under the age of 12 must be accompanied by an adult.